Tims closes the gap

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Tims closes the gap

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There are gaps in families. Gaps caused by distance, by unavoidable circumstances, by miscommunication and yes, even by death. Gaps in time. Gaps in memory. My mother lives in such a gap. It is the gap caused by her dementia which makes it difficult for her to communicate with family and friends. My grandchildren were horrified when she could no longer call them by name. With the wiliness typical of her innate intelligence, she learned to call them all sweetheart. Thus she continues to bridge the generation gap despite difficulty in communication. The new Tim Hortons in our town is a couple of blocks from my mothers nursing home. When visiting alone, I often take her an iced cap to fill the gap in conversation. When visiting with my grandchildren, I stock up on chocolate milk, steeped tea and Timbits. This past Tuesday we had our tea party in a garden courtyard with my mother playing hostess. It was wonderful to see her slipping naturally again into that role, making sure we all had enough, asking after the temperature of our drinks. For a few moments we met on common ground. There were no gaps at all. Finished eating, the children got down to play hide and seek. My mother and I sat in companionable quiet, holding our Tims mugs and watching the fun. In these happy moments we communicate through simple pleasures. My mother doesnt know a logo. She doesnt know a brand. Certainly she is one of the few people in Canada for whom the famous corporate name means nothing. These things do not matter to her anymore. Thanks Tim Hortons for making it easy for me to close the gap in communication with a language my mother still understands. The language of hospitality.

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Don Smith
Evinrude posted 2009-09-24 2:06pm

A truly moving story cousin. The image of the tea party (with apologies to TH) was doubly meaningful to me. I was able to picture your mother so clearly at such a happening. The last time we visited with her, we were left with the reminder of her "touch of class". I was also reminded of my own mother who regularly had tea parties with our daughter, again with the special touches. Indeed the torch does get passed. Grandma Nan hosts the same events quite regularly.Thanks for the memories.

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Jim Ellis
ellisshalom posted 2009-08-24 1:52pm

Creative and imaginative use of available resources (both inner and environmental), focused in the present moment, and enjoying what is rather than lamenting what is lost - and told so articulately and elegantly. This event is so "Mary" - and helped us to relive many former occasions when we were the recipients of her compassionate hospitality.

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Tina Franzen
franzent posted 2009-08-24 11:39am

Despite the tears in my eyes, I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Thank you for sharing.

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Carolyn Simpson
pastormom247 posted 2009-08-24 10:47am

This is so true and I'm glad for the food & drinks that give us a starting ground for conversation when she doesn't remember us.

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kathryn ballantine
kathrynballantine posted 2009-08-23 1:53pm

This is beautiful.

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